A Compassionate Guide to Parenting with Nonviolence
by Ruth Beaglehole and Kim Pesenti
A Compassionate Guide to Raising Children with Nonviolence invites parents and caregivers to raise children in a way that will strengthen their relationship, a relationship that nurtures trust and connecting communication. A Compassionate Guide honors people’s deep love for their children and concern about their future, as it provides support for a practice that is embedded in empathy, justice and unconditional love.
Parenting with Nonviolence advocates an active shift from using punishment and rewards, to developing compassionate respect for children’s feelings and needs with the recognition that behavior is often a strategy to meet those needs. It encourages us (adults) to intentionally model the human qualities we value, to reflect on our own childhood experiences and to develop a practice of self-empathy in order to co-regulate with our children. Raising younger human beings is rooted in principled nonviolence (the active resistance to doing harm) and it is a practice we do with them.
A Compassionate Guide to Raising Children with Nonviolence is not a directive or methodology, nor is it a curriculum for teaching children. Instead of providing strategies to fix a child’s behavior, we look at our own behaviors. The guide makes an intentional shift in focus, encouraging self-empathy and deep reflection on our own feelings and needs. How am I responding to my child’s anger or sadness? Why am I so frustrated when they ask for attention? When we invite you to engage in this reflective work, we do so with an awareness that painful feelings will emerge, which is why empathy and self-empathy are essential to this practice. We understand the emotional, material and cultural challenges that this work can bring. Throughout the series, the guide emphasizes the following statement: “You are always caring for and have been caring for your children in the best way you can, with the information, resources and experience you have!”
A Compassionate Guide to Parenting with Nonviolence lays out a framework that honors the power of emotional intelligence. It is a practice that urges us to appreciate our role as peoplemakers, as ones who demonstrate a deep respect for the core dignity of a child’s mind body and heart. Transforming how adults and institutions see children becomes an investment in the future: as younger human beings grow up, they become the adults who raise children with empathy, dignity and kindness, building the practices and principles of nonviolence through generations.
A Compassionate Guide to Parenting with Nonviolence is a social justice call to action in support of younger human beings, the world’s biggest silent minority. This guide is grounded in the philosophy of principled nonviolence, a practice of active resistance to doing physical, emotional and psychological harm. It is a guide to resisting childism, a form of oppression that is deeply embedded in the values of the dominant paradigm and its approach to raising children. In this guide, we envision a world that promotes the physical and emotional well-being of all younger human beings and honors the dignity of every child.
A Compassionate Guide to Parenting with Nonviolence has been written in a format for parent educators. However, we encourage anyone who cares for children to read the guide and join us in our commitment to change the paradigm. Whether you are a social worker, therapist, pediatrician or nurse, whether you work in education or the criminal justice system, this guide demonstrates how adults can actively shift from using power over children to using power with children.
book coming soon